This guy can eat crackers in my bed

So Tuesday night I come home, and my sister is staying with me an extra night (whoo hoo we rarely get time to hang out and be ourselves so this is very, very cool.) I decide to go running to blow off some steam and work on reducing my waistline.

I return to the house and apparently my phone has been ringing off the hook. Ivy League called:

Hi...wanted to see if you wanted to get together this week. *Sniff* Call me back when you get a chance...

Damn. I listened to that message three times. Idiot! Sad sad sad state I am in. Need to remind myself that its been only three dates. I do not know this guy.

I call him back.

Him: Do you want to get together sometime this week or wait until the weekend? Just wondering what your schedule is...

Me: (Long pause for effect...) Well, I have my daughter a lot this week, so the only nights I am currently free are Thursday and Saturday.

Him: Well, can I have both?

He he he. Can he have both? Can he evah!

We pencil in Thursday and Saturday and say we'll work out the details later. My sister and I proceed to do the silly things we like to do when no one is around : talk about sex, tell funny stories, discuss how worried we are about Britney and Lindsay and all the other girls with behaviour problems, bad judgement and/or bad taste.

We get on a discussion of how dirty dirty dirty this one song that our mother used to play all the time when we were little - Miracles by Jefferson Starship- and proceed to google and look up the actual lyrics.

I had a taste of the real world
When I went down on you...

Yeah. Okay. Way to put it out there. We can't believe my mother played that so much when I was 7. Thank god I didn't have a clue what those lyrics meant.


Wednesday began innocently enough. Drive-by from sales guy. Big smile - he wanted to stop but knew it was the wrong thing to do.

Lunch at SouthPoint - an end of project work celebration. Good food, and I end up getting a sizeable award for the work I did. Nice. Today was a good day. That much closer to potentially getting new boobs.

I return to the office, and get an IM from Ivy League:

I want to send some restaurant reviews to you. Do you have a personal email address?

Restaurant reviews. This guy is so cute and thorough. So this is what it is like to date an adult. I had no idea what I have been missing for 4 years.

I ask him if I can plan something absurd for us. Def Leppard Saturday night. He asks how much the tix are, and I say none of your business as I am buying. He agrees that it will be absurd but fun. I tell him I got an award and its me that wants to go, so no worries on the price.

So about 10 min later I get his email:

Hey girl, congrats on your award! What was the occasion?
Check out the reviews below and tell me what you think.
I'm looking forward to the concert now. That will be a lot of fun, even if the temp will drop to low 50s at night over the weekend.
Have a great day!

Hee hee hee. He said congrats. He mentions the weather. So cute. So grown up. He can start picking his nose at this point and I will be giddy over it. I write back:

Either restaurant sounds great...you pick.

The award was given because I have a nice ass.

Oh yeah and because I was on the Integration Team this spring...

So he writes back a little later:

Good to hear - let's go to North Hills. That way we can go to a bar nearby after the movie if we want. Or my place - haha.

You know, you have a tremendous ass. In fact, I still have a clear image of you standing in front of the mirror at the very end of the night. Truly inspiring!

Meanwhile, back in the cubicle: Sales guy comes over and sits in my office. Oh my. He's made up what seems like a justifiable business reason to come talk to me. I see through this, as does my co-worker across the way (she's rolling her eyes.) He needs something for a meeting next week that my employee can provide. I ping the girl on my team, telling her sales guys needs something, and she says:

ohh he's so cute. he could eat crackers in my bed.

Well I haven't heard that one before but I'll use it three times and make it my own.

As sales guy leaves my office he says - check your phone. This is what was there:

I want to do dinner/nothing crazy on Sunday night. You game?

I say yes because he's cute and because my sister thinks I am way too into Ivy League and need to stay balanced.

Ivy League pings me one more time to tell me to call him that night to talk about details.

So later than night I do, but it is after a quick chat with Yorkshire Hottie. Read this in your best British accent to get the full effect of how lovely he sounded saying these words:

Ahh you sound lovely, you do.
Worked out all the details for staying in Oxford - all are excited to see you. London should be loads of fun that week.
Hope you won't be disappointed in me - my idea of foreplay is not saying "Brace yourself, girl."
Missing you like crazy, babe

This is all nice, but we all know where my mind is these days and its on the man who indeed should tell girls to brace themselves. (Ha!)

Speaking of him, Ivy League doesn't answer when I call him at 8, but he does call me later around 10. We talk for 2 hours...

Ivy League can eat crackers in my bed anytime.