He's just not that into me

BF is history.

It's been a tough weekend. Minutes seem like hours. Totally depressed. The house is so quiet. Daunting to think about rebuilding parts of my life that were intertwined with him.

Made a quick vow to never date at work again. I now have to face seeing him/hearing about him at work. Ugh.

Friends coming to the rescue though - always good. Had me out and about last night. Trying to set me up with an eye surgeon who is single...keep me from falling back into this when it has been so awful for me. Hoping that when I get a little distance, I'll see what everyone else saw. The logical side of me knows this - I can even see it now on a Sunday morning - but my heart just hurts so much. And I miss him. I had no idea it would hurt this much. I didn't hurt this much when I broke off my engagement last year (very telling about that situation) nor with just about any other break-up.

I thought he was the one.

I haven't hurt this bad since when the first love of my life and I broke up - and that was 18 years ago. Whole other story I don't want to tell right now.

Have to make a list of things to remind myself why this is right:

1. I was really into him and he's just not that into me
2. He's not good stepfather material (too selfish, not giving enough and certainly not patient enough to let things flourish as they should over time...) This was his own self-fulfilling prophecy. He kept fearing that he wasn't going to be heard, that he wasn't good enough to be a parent. I spent months telling him otherwise. In the end, he was right. He's not. Perhaps if he were more into me he would have made more of an effort. But alas...
3. His insecurities were somehow excusable when mine weren't. Whatever. I was willing to overlook and work with what he was weak on. I know he had issues - and I was trying to help. He wasn't willing to return the favor
4. As such, he's just not that into me
5. He's just not that into me
6. He's just not that into me
7. He's just not that into me

Yup it is my new mantra: He's just not that into you! It's getting me through the really tough moments on a Sunday morning.

I'm off to the bookstore to buy reading material for the pool and for my daughter to buy thank you notes for her various birthday gifts. I have the uncomfortable task of making her write notes to his family for their gifts even though I am trying to erase him from my life. This is one of the last things I need to do where he is concerned.

I suppose with my new singleton status the blog is going to get a lot more interesting again. Let's hope so. I'm not going to have another long dry spell like last summer. And I need to know that he's not the only guy out there that's great in the sack.

Rock star and I are already working on plans for our birthday celebration in December. Something else to look forward to.