I can hear Biz Markie

Long time no write. Been very busy with work and life, and have not had too many anecdotes from my own life to pass along. Being in love is not always conducive to funny stories. I don't feel entirely comfortable about writing about my day to day relationship with Ivy - 95% of the time its just going too well to let others in on it - and bliss does not make for interesting entries. I am toying with living vicariously through my friends and writing about their exploits here.

However, sometimes a fight or two springs up that is interesting enough to write about.

(I should note that it also turns out that Hospital diva is now pregnant and that certainly has limited her stories to be posted here.)

Biz Markie, wise sage that he is, sang these famous out of tune words:

You, you got what I need. But you say she's just a friend....

A recent very serious fight between me and Ivy League hottie involved our individual friendships with members of the opposite sex - our peeps that are "just friends." I found out that in Dec., when he went out of town to DC for the weekend, it was not to visit a couple of friends (as I assumed for some unknown reason) but he went a stayed with a girl for the weekend. So those stories of what he did that weekend, from going out to great restaurants to going to a comedy club, was all with this just a friend girl. She's not an ex - she's a "friend" from college that invited him up there.

This issue surfaced and made me a bit uncomfortable lately when I pushed on going up to DC and staying with his "friends" that he just recently visited and he said he didn't think that would be a good idea. Hmmm. I probed a bit out of confusion:

Why? (Alarm bells went off in my head,or was it the off note toy piano key sounds from the Biz song?)

He was like, "Just don't think it would be good idea. It was awkward when I was up there."

Awkward huh. I asked why and he just stated that his friend, she is just not that fun.

She??? (Alarm bells like crazy!)

Honestly, I did not know about this. I asked very few questions about his trip up there before he went and after he went - mostly because I lived in DC for many years and know the city well - didn't think he could really tell me anything I didn't know. I also think he was purposely vague about it. He kept referring to his time up there as being with his "friend."

Skip to the present where I now ask more questions - questions a typical girlfriend might have asked and I should have before he went on this trip (not two months later.) Where did you sleep? (Couch...do I honestly believe this? My friends' say no way.) Is this an ex? (Nope just a friend.) Ahh Biz I love ya! And she is NOT interested in you? (I don't think so.)

This evolved into me being pretty mad. And mad for days. Mad that I felt duped. Mad that he would spend a good amount of money on another woman when he could have stayed in town with me. Mad that he would be stupid enough to think she doesn't like him. Mad that I have let some of my male friendships fall by the wayside out of respect for him. I've turned down the "threesome" ex boyfriend for drinks a good 6-7 times because I just didn't want to rock the boat- and I am in no danger of falling back into bed with that louse. He's just a good drinking buddy now. But a buddy that I nonetheless avoided out of simplicity and respect.

Silly me. Silly silly silly me. This is where I should have acted in my own self interest instead of trying to be nice and thoughtful. Nice and thoughtful gets me nowhere. Nice and thoughtful gets nobody anywhere. Guys always act in their own self interest.

So we have a big fight about it. We get over it. And the very next day, the subject rears its ugly head again - in the form of another "friend" of Ivy's.

This one is one that he talks to regularly, and she called him on Thursday or Friday to ask him to meet her at the ACC Tourney in Greensboro. He said, sure. She said - won't your girlfriend be mad?

Now, he took this as her being concerned for me (how nice...but I think not) and I see that as her saying "Dude you are making a mistake here - I am a girl and you are going to come hang out with me for the day. Make sure you know what you are doing because most girls are not as cool as me." He is really really naive.

I went through the roof. This was the day after I found out about the DC visit and he's telling me that he's got this girl he's still friends with in Atlanta. But that I shouldn't worry - she's really a guy friend.

Really? A guy friend, huh.

Does she have a penis?

Did you fuck her at any point in the past few years?

The answer to those two questions are No and Yes. So, since she has an actual vajayjay and she has indeed used it on him then she is indeed NOT a guy friend. If he's hit it at one point in his life - she's an ex. Some sort of an ex. (And that was as recently as within two years ago.)

So he thinks that its okay for him to be friends with these two girls (I'll call them DC and Atlanta) because he doesn't like them. So I say, then it must be okay for me to continue to be friends with my guys as I don't like them either. No, he says that is different. I don't trust the guys you are friends with - and you slept with Neil. (That was 6 years ago...) You can trust my situation b/c I know "Atlanta" doesn't like me anymore and I don't like either of those girls.

That sounds like the biggest bunch of male chauvinist fucking bullshit I have ever heard.

I am shocked, just shocked by what I hear. And I am getting mad writing about it now.

Sooooo...there were major fights this weekend over this. We considered breaking up. I certainly thought that he's been less than honest and certainly he thinks I am naive. I have resolved to not let my friendships fall by the wayside.

Curiously, he admitted last night after we had "made up" that he thought DC was into him. He said she got upset when he talked about me while he was visiting. BINGO! I was right. My point to him was that he doesn't really know what he's talking about with these women and I doubt Atlanta has above board reasons for staying friends with him. I need to face the fact that since she broke up with him and he's still friends with her, that most of the time guys stays friends with ex-girlfriends because they, in some way, might want to hit it again. (That is certainly the case with some of my friends...)

It will be good to catch up with some of my friends. I don't think I should let them fall by the wayside again.