Said the scorpion to the frog - its my nature...

To continue my rant about men and women and can they be friends without the sex thing getting in the way...

I've now run this whole situation from the last post by two of my friends. No one believes that my ivy league boyfriend slept on the couch and nothing happened that weekend in DC , and both are disappointed that I would be that naive in believing him. My best friend thinks they at least kissed, and he might have felt awkward as ass about it so he's not going to admit to it, but most people think that when a guy invests a plane ticket to another city, he's going to hit it if he gets the chance. Especially if he was less than clear about who he was visiting.

I didn't think so at all, even up to today, as we've been soooooo solid. It just doesn't fit him. But now I am starting to be convinced and disappointed. I guess it was early in our relationship - but it was the weekend after I spent Thanksgiving with his family, so the sneakiness is a bit confusing.

And as for him wanting to keep up with friendship with the Atlanta girl - all my friends agreed that it seemed odd that he was perfectly content with blowing off offers from many of his local friends over the past few months to do things with me, but this girl comes up with an offer and he's ready to go. There's only one reason guys stay friends with girls they've fucked - and that's to hit it again. He claims its because she likes sports and is good at eating chicken wings - but I see him blow off plenty of guys that do those things without a second thought. It ain't her sports acumen he's got his eye on.

In all fairness, it is the ACC Tourney. I have to give him that.

And I have to give him props in wanting to stay friends with her if only to get tix to the Final Four in 2007 as she is connected with that. He's got a little bit of a user in him. Can't blame him for that either. I am a lot like that myself.

But to be naive and actually say to me that she's not a girl but more like a guy friend - HA - its just so disappointing that he's trying to play this game. Honesty would be far more attractive. I've been the Atlanta girl - hell I am THAT girl in several guy-girl relationships I am part of. I KNOW the guys still want to sleep with me, but I just ignore it as sometimes they are so fun to toy with and watch sports with and flirt with and secretly, it is so fun to mind fuck their girlfriends with my mere presence in their lives. I enjoy the power of those relationships. (I should say I enjoyed, note the past tense, b/c I've shied away from being that girl since I got into this relationship with Ivy league...)

What is frustrating is that ivy thinks this girl he's still friends with has the most innocent of intentions:

"She was concerned about you - she asked if you would mind that I would go spend the day with her...."

Oh. Dude. Her concern was in no way about me. It was about making sure that Ivy was ok. She could give a damn about me. It is her oh-so-subtle way of stating "Your girlfriend can't be that cool, can she? b/c if she was that cool, you wouldn't be wanting to hang out with me." She likes the power too.

How do I know this - you ask? I invented that game - that game that makes the girlfriend with concerns seem like a pain in the ass and the friend seem like the most attractive, carefree philly in the world. I used to play it too - but gave it up recently under the pretense of trying to be a better person.

But I digress.

This situation has left me with disappointment, which is the loneliest of all emotions.

I had this guy on a pedestal - many of his other actions in his life point to an unbelievable, quite admirable demonstration of morals and ethics - the kind of thing I've looked for and found in very, very few men- and he's fallen off said pedestal. It doesn't change my relationship with him dramatically - I'm just not quite as crazy about him as I was. That's probably a good thing for my own sanity. I was over the moon for this guy - dreaming about getting married and having his babies and growing old while watching sportscenter sort of crazy. Christ, I not only wanted to be a better person, I wanted to be HIM as I thought he was so cool and so good and so smart and so funny. Honestly, I have never felt so strongly about someone. I still feel really good about him, just not as much so.

In the end, I thought he was different than most other men and the blame for that one is squarely on recently naive me.

This is where I have to remind myself of my favorite lines from the Crying Game; the story of the scorpion and the frog.

A scorpion needs to cross a river and he asks the frog for a ride. The frog refuses on grounds that the scorpion will surely sting him on the ride to the other bank and they will both drown. The scorpion says, "No no no I won't sting you." With trepidation, the frog agrees because the scorpion has convinced him with his arguments and promises. The scorpion hops on the frogs back and they begin the crossing. Halfway across, the frog feels a sharp pain in his back, and realizes that the scorpion has indeed stung him. Before they both go under the water, the frog asks, "Why did you sting me after you promised me you wouldn't?"

The scorpions reply?

"I can't help. It's my nature."

Never vote against nature. I simply forgot over the past few months I was dating a guy. That's my mistake- for thinking too much of him. This whole thing is just his nature.