At least I can say you were a great lay

Before I sign off for awhile, here's the last word, for my friends and one reader in particular:

• Hospital diva had her baby - a girl! Arrived late but healthy!
• Hottie McHottie BF is finally gone for good...finally

RS - when your Dreamy McDreamy knows you are having a bad day, what does he do? He brings you flowers! Mine -knows I have walking pnemonia, been sick for a week - I ask him to help me...what does he do?

Crickets.

'Cuz that's just how he rolls.

Claims he has not been reading the blog. When asked about it, did not confirm or deny, but rather said I was crazy and called your hottie to say I was being paranoid about my blog. I never gave a shit whether he was reading it or not. But a guy who cared about me would not have dodged the question nor would he have turned it back on me. So here goes:

I never wrote things in here to get them across to you, it was supposed to be for me and for my friends. Writing therapy. But I realized in the last few weeks, thanks to comments by you and my site meter, that you were reading this regularly.

Own up to it man.

Own up to being insecure. Own up having serious anger issues. (Wanting to punch out somebody at Frankie's over the bumper boats? WOW. What an example you set...) Stop being a whiny little 12 year old boy who never got over being beat up on the bus or the fact that your parents divorced. It wasn't your fault. Your mom is not nearly as bad a person as you make her out to be, and your father is not the great parent you think he is. (Kid gets hit by a car and dad doesn't visit for six weeks....somehow you had forgotted about that issue.) It isn't ever going to be perfect. You aren't always going to have the hottest woman in the bar as your date. (Unless you win the lottery, lose some weight, you get hair transplants or you turn into Brad Pitt.) People aren't always going to like you. You don't know shit about parenting until you have a kid of your own or your helping raise one yourself -full time. Your way is not necessarily the best way. I don't give a flying fuck what my friends or family or anyone else on this blog thinks about you - I was still willing to give it a try.

You weren't. You've taught me over the past few months that you aren't here through thick and thin. You aren't around unless things are done according to your wants and needs specifically. I have no doubt that I'll never meet anyone like you. Still think you were the one for me. Yes, I doubted I was the one for you and you confirmed this today, telling me you didn't think I was.

I told my sister that sometimes I do things that push you away, and that I am very often unfair. She said, "Yeah I can see that. You can be a total bitch. The thing is, sometimes I would do that too but XXX (her husband) wouldn't let me push him away - he was strong enough to see through my bullshit and shenanigans and totally unfair behaviour. He called me on it and talked me out of it but didn't abandon me. He would stick around. Your BF isn't willing to do that. He's just not strong enough or he's just not that into you. Either way you are screwed."

And there you are. And that's what hurts. Were I more special to you, you would have worked harder at this. Been more patient.

So I'll meet someone nice. Eventually. Or perhaps next week. Don't know how or when but this too shall pass. So Hottie McHootie, he may not be a great lay like you, but he'll be nice. Sex I can teach. Everything else I fail at.

(That's what he says...)