Raleigh version of the Striped Shirt email...

I got this email about Striped Shirt club guys, and it just hit way too close to home. We all recognized the striped shirt guy we know.

I've modified the original a bit to make it fit even better. Here's our local, personalized version:

Look at My Striped Shirt Raleigh!

Look at my buttondown striped shirt!

I bought it at Banana! Or at FCUK! I know how to dress!

Fucking look at it! Look at my chest hair poking out of it!

This shirt means one thing! I'm coming home with some pussy tonight! That's right! Its been a long week at the office, and its time to blow off a little steam! I am single mid-thirties guy! I am a Marketing Manager! I have an MBA! I work in RTP! I have business cards that say Marketing Manager - WW! on them! I do regular conference calls with China! Here! Have one! Take it!

My boys are coming out with me tonight! They all have striped shirts too! We're going to Glenwood South! We all call each other by our last names! None of them are as cool or as good looking as me, which means I can feel good at myself at their expense! And I get first crack at the hot girls! I figure we'll kick off the night with some Trivia! I went to Princeton! I am going to beat the hell out of all of you! Its going to be so fucking loud! Ill bet I can win a bar card that gets me 20 bucks worth of free drinks! I'm that fucking pumped! I'm that fucking cheap!

I can almost taste those vodka sodas right now! I might need a Red Bull! I'm thinking about buying foreign, overpriced car this year! I live in Oberlin Court! I live inside the beltline! My address makes me cool! I have an ego bigger than the RBC Center!

I'm gonna grind on girls asses tonight! You heard me! When I see a group of girls dancing in a circle at White Collar, I will stare at them to make them notice me! I went to Princeton! Staring makes me cool! I am 35 but I like 'em 28! I will select the thinnest, dumbest, youngest looking one and dry hump her until it hurts! I will only dance with shorter ones so they cannot see the spreading baldness I have!

I will valet tonight at Sullivan's! I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him in life! I went to Princeton! Clearly he didn't! I work in RTP! Clearly he doesn't! I will tell him, Take it easy on the brakes, champ! I will tip him badly! I'm that fucking cheap!

At Hibernian, I will talk to people I don't know about my job tonight! They will all know that I am an important man! I am corporate RTP! I travel! I have been to South Africa! I went to Princeton! I have been to China! I have jumped out of an airplane! Once! I live inside the beltline! I have a blackberry pearl! I will call female bartenders babe and male bartenders dude! I will not tip too much! I'm that cheap! When I do not hook up with a girl at Mosaic, I will say that the place is full of skanks! Raleigh sucks!

We will wait in a long line to go to Ess Lounge, only to strike out again! It's not my fault, its Raleigh! I will give up and decide to order a gyro off a street vendor! I will look ridiculous purchasing my gyro, because people will be able to tell by my striped shirt and tinted sunglasses and pigeon chest that I struck out and am settling for a gyro! I went to Princeton! I will make one last attempt to hook up by trying to coax two girls who are also ordering gyros into coming back to my place for after hours! When they say no I will make fun of them! I think I am so funny! I will text ex-girlfriends who are out of town so it looks like I know people! They don't answer so they suck!

I will leave! I will drive home to Cameron Village in my Ford! When I get home I will go to the bathroom and hold the straight razor to my wrist again! But not until I have a good round of masturbation! I will gently drag the razor laterally against my vein, making sure not to actually cut myself!I will then go to my couch and pass out! I will need some shuteye so that Ill be ready to fucking party again tomorrow!

I am so cool! I have chest hair! I work in RTP! I went to Princeton!