Bewildered and bothered....

So, where to start.

I had my "date" on Saturday night. And by date, it was me, Punk Boy, Ad Girl, Fun Girl, and other guest stars. N and his entourage showed up halfway into dinner.

Strange, strange mix of people.

I was trying to keep it casual. Since the conversation last week, I figured I would let him sort of drive the way the night was going to go.

And it went by way of drinking quite a bit (on his part), lots of PDA (on his part), and both of us seeming to have fun. (I say "seeming" on purpose. In the end, it turned all to confusing shit.) Here's what the fun included:

Dinner at Times. Lots of fun conversation and flirting all over that table as people arrived and stopped by. Giggles at the "Make me look like a high priced whore" comment. Nose spray on Fun Girl from N. Surrender Monkey making Ad Girl surrender her sobriety unexpectedly. Drinks and the jukebox coup at Alibi. Drinks bought for Ad Girl by N at Alibi, accompanied by drunk mutterings- just like old times! Unlce Big Bad coming to Ad Girl's rescue from the surreal night of surprise drinking. Last call stop at JP! Lots of PDA there, driving me crazy with his hands down my back, on my ass, you get the picture. I've been there before and liked it this time too. Drama with Fun Girl and N and N's oh so recent ex showing up. A kiss on the pseudo dancefloor. Nothing but promise...

Later, back at the condo...

Making out. Kissing. Him being really, really drunk. I've been in this situation before too. I asked him straight out - are you avoiding having real sex with me by getting absolutely, totally shitfaced every time we're together.

Damn if the answer wasn't "yes" accompanied by an explanation of how sex is impersonal for him, and that he knows me, and he really likes me, and he's a bit intimdated, so he can't have sex with me. He likes his sex to be impersonal - he doesn't like to really know or perhaps even like the person he's doing it with.

I asked what we should do about this? Should we go back to being just friends? Should I wear a wig and pretend to be someone else?

Damn if the answer wasn't "yes." Not to the wig comment, but to the friends thing.

There was a lot more to that conversation that I won't repost here. I was and am terribly, terribly disappointed. A little bit confused, especially in light of the behaviour in the hours leading up to it. Told my board of advisors about it, and as they were there for much of the evening, they were confused a bit too.

I spent the day with my friend J and her daughter at their pool. Ending up drinking beer all afternoon, then going to one of her friend's house for dinner and wine til almost 9. So much fun!!! Had a quick confirmation discussion via phone with Punk Boy (nothing had changed...he still thought we needed to be friends and that's it) and after that the disappointment really sunk in.

This is his intimacy problem, not mine. Has very little to actually do with me. My plan is to avoid the JP for awhile, (awhile being a few weeks) and as such, avoid Punk Boy, til the awkwardness of this has passed and we can go back to just being buddies who occasionally do shots together.

I do have front row tickets and a date with what seems like a really cool guy for Def Leppard tomorrow night.