Got mints?

Birthday celebration last week. Lots of fun. You only turn 29 as many times as you can claim. I share the exact birthday of one of my close work friends - down to the half hour. Same day, same year, same hour. Do we ever get along! And we celebrated together last week with some work friends.

So we did shots at a local place with a pretty good size group. That was tame enough. Jager shots. My friend did tequila. She nursed tequila shots, but I digress.

There was a small group of us - about 10 - that wanted to go to a gentlemen's club. This is tricky with co-workers, especially at such a conservative company - but the small group seemed game and the two birthday girls were up for it, as well as two other girls. So with a 40%/60% ratio of women to men in our group we headed out.

All of us girls were good and drunk heading there. This should have been a warning as to what was coming later in the night.

The guys were excited to be going - and to be going with women co-workers. Somehow I think this was exotic for them. Most of them are married. Hell everyone in the group but me, Ivy League and another guy is married. So a trip to a strip club is welcome hedonistic fun. A trip there with attractive co-workers has the potential to be downright erotic.

Not sure it was erotic. It was fun and perhaps weird.

So we get there. The dancers were hot. And they really dance at this club. These girls work it and I respect that. We got seats right up front, and proceeded to buy shots (which came with a short lap dance) right away. Both Ivy League and I got shots from the same brown haired hottie in bra and panties.

Ivy League purchased a lap dance for my birthday friend. She thoroughly enjoyed. That was fun for the co-workers to watch. A little girl on girl action. Yum!

Ivy League was into the whole place, and jonesing for a lap dance. I was a bit jealous, but not so much so that I wouldn't buy him a lap dance. I think its just an equality thing.

He was like:
You are okay with this?
And my response was:
As okay as I can be when a mostly naked girl who is younger than me, who has a better body than me is dancing all over you.
Him: You need to be bigger than this.
Me: I think I am pretty big. I am purchasing this dance. But give me a little jealousy. Damn.
Him: You brought me here.
Me: Yes, and I am buying you a dance. But don't condescend to me about being big about having this woman who is SO HOT and SO SEXY and SO NAKED and SO YOUNG and who clearly has NOT had a baby dance all over you. I will be big when you can be big about a younger stronger man with a better chest and a longer dick who can clearly kick your ass in a bar fight is dancing all over me naked.

He didn't really see my point at all. What he heard in that last comment was me saying that I could go out and find this man and sleep with him. This is not my point. My point was, give me some jealousy, understand it, empathize with it if you can imagine yourself in my shoes. I'll get over it quick if you can just respect it.

Again ladies and gentleman, I was there, in a strip club. Willingly. And willing to fund his private lap dance. And he wanted to enjoy it completely guilt free and I was mad at him for asking me to be bigger about it. I think quite frankly I was pretty fucking big about it to begin with. I let him pick out the girl too.

But again, I digress.

I goaded him into the dance. Called him a pussy which was so wrong but my point was, dude, me, your girlfriend, is buying. Take the private dance.

So he does.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, er the cocktail tables at main stage...someone in the group gets out an Altoid. Pops it in his mouth. And has a brilliant idea.

The official Pass the Altoid game begins.

It begins so quietly with a guy in the group passing it quickly via a tiny kiss to my birthday friend. She proceeds to pass it, more seductively, to the other girl in the group that is left at this point in the night. (Besides me... I am still there but not actively participating. Just watching.) It goes around to a few people, then one of the guys wants to pass it to me. By this time, this is full on french kissing while passing the mint. This has reached a certain unspoken level- that moment when enough people bought it and did it willingly that I was faced with being the party pooper to not continue the mint on its oral journey.

Do I do this?

These are my co-workers.

I barely know three of them. They are all married.

The man I love would not like this.

But....

The man I love is in a private room getting an extra long lap dance from a 22 year old hot brunette.

I jump in. I am not one to sit around and steam. I am also not one to turn down a dare, and this was a big ol dare.

So I kiss this inital person. It is a little funny, a little sexy, but it means nothing. I pass it to someone else. A little more interesting. One person in particular was almost erotic. I kissed every remaining person there - both women and the women were the best by far- and that mint was not getting any smaller.

At this point the crowd around us is cheering. Odd behaviour for a strip club. We had ALL our clothes on but we were having fun.

So in the course of 5 minutes I intimately and repeatedly kissed six co-workers. EGADS. Holy bad ideas Batman.

The crowd making noise got somebody's attention in the back booths. Apparently, Ivy League stood up in the middle of the lap dance - he said the stripper was like wha? - and looked out at our tables. The conversation, I would imagine, went like this:

Stripper: What's wrong - I am not done. I still have to grab my breast five more times and hover over you with this fantastic ass of mine for 3 more minutes for you to get the standard dance.
Ivy League: I have to go
Stripper: (Still gyrating, no doubt, but with a puzzled look on her face) Huh?
Ivy League: My girlfriend is kissing my co-workers
Stripper: Ah then. Have a good evening!

He returns to the table with his free Strip Club t-shirt and proceeds to get really really mad.

Really mad.

Did I say really mad? Well, he got really really mad. At me. He had seen me kiss two of the men.
The game ended because it was like dad returned home.

So, as he got mad ("What the fuck are you doing?????You are kissing coworkers!!!!????") I was like, dude you don't have a leg to stand on here. You just had a 10 minute lap dance with a mostly naked 22 year old in a private room. That your girlfriend paid for. Hello! Don't get mad about Pass the Altoid. I got over the lap dance real quick with help from these kisses. You should be thanking these guys. And girls. I am in a better frame of mind in just 5 minutes. Brilliant game, really. Brilliant mint.

He didn't think so.

Will write more about the aftermath later. But it wasn't pretty and involved a lot of yelling at me.