Saturday, April 29, 2006

Please pass the MOJO.....

I must apologize for my extended absence. Corporate H did tell you that I am pregnant and I've become a homebody and haven't even read the blog for a month! I blame the hormones as always...What the hell happened in Houston? Didn't catch that on the blog...Did I miss something? Is this when I called you from the reunion? I'm thinking I need to visit and pass the MOJO back. Mine is still standing strong. In the past few months I have been propositioned for sex....(Okay, gross, I'm showing/obviously pregnant!!! The loser knew it too - I told you this CH), have been told I'm the prettiest pregnant woman ever ( by a doctor who's had a crush on me for years, he's not that unfortunate in his looks, but I like to joke and be friends, not flirt--no attraction from me, eegads!), asked if I would pose for luscious lactating ladies ( I seriously hope there is no such rag!), and asked to go to the prom with a bouquet of tubing....(the last 2 are from my Zoom friend) I discussed sharing my D's with someone.....didn't happen though, again I'm pregnant and NO MESSING AROUND, ICK! He wouldn't leave me alone for 2 weeks after that, Ha! That will teach him to not do what he says. I love to punish!

Can we punish Ivy? Sounds like he needs it!!

Expect a call Monday.....will have the ultrasound that day!!!!!!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

This is the best costume for the day

"In the Hamptons, they'll arrest you for wearing red shoes on a Thuhssssdeeee"


I love Little Edie. Finally finally finally I watched Grey Gardens...(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073076/)

Holy crap! Now I get it. If you can get your hands on a copy, which can be difficult, sit down and enjoy. It is interesting and sad and better than any of the recently released too-slick and almost-rehersed documentaries out there. The footage is raw, the women (the Beales) featured are so stunningly original and tragic and the filmakers allow you to draw your own conclusions on them.

What struck me was how beautiful both of these women were at one time, especially Little Edie, and what a life they must have had when both were younger and had money and the future was nothing but bright and full of teas in the Hamptons with rich young men from Princeton and girls who studied at Miss Porter's. They lived in a house that was grand enough to have a name- Grey Gardens - and in a town where all houses have names. But time passes, bank accounts shrink, men leave, asses sag, hair greys, skin wrinkles, invitations dry up, friends ignore and the Edies find themselves in the 70's, seemingly mad at moments and living in that same house but in squalor. Not that squalorous conditions aren't tough all everywhere, but of all places to live in squalor, oh! the Hamptons...



There was another side of me that thought Jesus H. Christ someone should have gotten a fucking job years ago so that the house could be kept up. I'd love to sit around all day and look at the beautiful beach and dance around in a bathing suit with a sweater on my head pontificating on manners or books by Hawthorne or what I used to do back in the 30's while feeding racoons Wonder Bread in my attic BUT my company expects me at the office.

This side of me didn't stick around too long because the part of me that loved watching and listening to Little Edie and her bon mots won out.

Netflix has this movie btw...

More time =

about 12 hours.

He called me yesterday morning at 8 to leave a really sweet message (which I did not retrieve until this morning...bad at checking voicemail) about how good he felt about us.

And at 11 yesterday, he sent an IM:

Him: Can you get a babysitter Sat?
Me:Why? What's up?
Him: Beerfest? I think it will be fun for us...

This was 12 hours after we got off the phone. What up? That's all the time he needed?

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Finally a breakthrough

After some more talking, we finally reached a point on the phone last night where we were nice to each other again.

Don't feel like rehashing here yet - so very tired- but it was a good conversation. I told him I thought he had gone through more changes than I in adapting himself to our life together -and that wasn't always fair nor had I previously acknowledged all that he had done.

That was a good moment...

Other key moments:

Do you want to date other women? (NO)

Do you want to date me? (This answer was all over the place from no (ouch,) to not the way things are now (duh!) to a resounding yes by the end of the call)

Do you need more time? (Yes)

How much? (days...not long...need to work on thing about me)

We'll see how this goes but I am hopeful.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

This is a fine example...

Of how this relationship has become a pain in the ass.

Was looking for someone to eat with, so asked Ivy. He said:

"If its going to be a good conversation, then I'll try. If not, I would rather wait for tonite."

WTF? I was simply looking for someone to walk to the cafeteria with.

He quickly apologized, but I ate with someone else anyway.

Yet another life more interesting than mine

New link off this page - chosen simply on that name alone - but I know through a friend that this Atlanta girl knows how to have fun and will let us in on all that.

Anxiously awaiting the set up of Gal Pal's blog - get off yer ass girl and write!

Girl you have power - work it

That is a quote from a new friend (gay, obviously) that rock star, gal pal and I met Friday night through my ex. He was such a bright spot in an otherwise marginal weekend. Rock Star blogged about our girls night out, so I won't repeat the details here. The weekend can be summed up in a list...


Things I learned this weekend (in no particular order):

  1. Gay men are fabulous for boosting your self confidence
  2. Ex boyfriends often have you around to make their current girlfriends jealous
  3. That same ex was impressed with the new boobs
  4. Slumber parties are still fun even in my thirties
  5. Not all men appreciate a booty call, even when you look really really delicious
  6. Guy friends have no qualms about asking you directly if your boobs have grown
  7. I have no qualms about answering that previous question with a very honest answer (ahh yes they have indeed grown with the help of my reputable plastic surgeon and the dollars I paid him)
  8. I hate talking politics or hearing people talk politics at weddings
  9. I am very happy with my new boobs
  10. Even in the midst of a "break" or fighting or whatever it is that Ivy and I are doing, we still are able to have mind blowing sex (albeit only once all week)
  11. ABBA songs are surprisingly sad if you are going through rough times or a break up - even some that are seemingly happy sounding on the surface (SOS...)
  12. Related to that, Mamma Mia actually is a fun show if you embrace the cheesiness of it all
  13. My rock star friend has an amazing capacity for fun and she brings that out in me (Friday!)
  14. You can easily mistake a concern for erectile dysfunction/whiskey dick with a change in morality - Gal Pal you know what I mean here
  15. I'm not working my "power" enough and possibly have not yet met the right man (per our new gay friend)
  16. If you propose a break or a pullback in your relationship, one should be prepared that your significant other will jump all over the chance to NOT see you very often, and you are screwed if you change your mind and still want to spend a lot of time with him
  17. When you later propose going cold turkey for awhile, i.e. no calls or anything, your significant other gets upset about it, but then later ignores you and doesn't call - again apparently embracing your proposal
  18. I should stop making stupid proposals I have not thought all the way through
  19. Lack of communication begins to create the feeling you are single
  20. This situation I am in now has none of the benefits of being in a relationship (closeness, someone I can count on, daily communication, someone you know you will see on the weekends, a best friend, regular sex, someone to face the future with) but all of the crap (not seeing each other but not being able to see other people, occasional fighting, cold unresponsive behaviour, not too much friendship, very little sex) - relationship limbo!

Friday, April 14, 2006

A life far more exciting than mine

There is a new link off this site today that will take you to my birthday sharin' friend's new blog (changes in attitude.) Check it out as her life is far more interesting than mine.

Although I had a really good night.

Anybody prone to sleep walking? I am apparently prone to a related condition - sleep making out. Lovely feeling, waking up kissing your boyfriend in the middle of the night and having no idea who or how it all started.

Spend a night in the box

Yeah that lyric quote (from a Hank Sinatra song) is for my "don't block the box" friends out there. You know who you are...

Went to see the local band aforementioned, and I highly recommend that if they come to a club near you, that you most definitely check them out. Their style is self-described honky tonk rock and roll. The lead singer is a blast to watch - he's six feet five inches of energy and sweat and cuss words under an old Miller brewing hat. All the songs they played last night in the set were great, but the most kick-ass of all was "Bucket o Love." You will not be disappointed.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Bring on the guys in Ford Contours

So I am outside the building, letting my friends' lovah in the door here (he works here but his badge doesn't work on this building) and a guy in a convertible corvette stops and asks me where a certain building is. I tell him its right next door...

The lovah says, "Oh you KNOW he knows where that building is. He just wanted you to see his convertible."

And I say, you and I both know what it means when a guy drives a convertible corvette...he's making up for something else. Personality and/or penis size.

So again, going back on my comment about rich guys and nice cars: Bring on the guys that drive ford contours...

Choosy moms choose...

Oh I have been absent for a week. A long week. Good and bad.

A lot of talking, apologizing and making up to do. I have forgiven the BF for the tantrum in Houston (I think, not so unconsciously, that comment was linked to the whole pass-the-altoid debacle from my birthday...)

We've both agreed to let some things go in an effort to make this work. He will let go of the birthday/strip club shenanigans, and I will let go of the mistrust over his trip to DC and his friends that are girls. (I get to keep my guy friends in all this too.)

I will also do a better job of asking for exactly what I want up front, rather than trying to keep him happy. The latter is a guessing game at best and hasn't worked so far.

I am no longer in search of a millionaire on life support. I assume that Ivy is not looking for a college girl with an eating disorder either, but I think we all know, among us girls here, that he would like me a bit thinner. (I would like him a bit richer and more buff but eh...vat can u do.) The insults one chooses to say in anger are often laced with the truth.


Today was brightened by the fact that my birthday sharin' friend (the one who partied with me at the strip club) has a lover (or lovah - no other word for this guy...long story for another chapter in this blog) who occasionally sends out funny emails. Today's was just a link, and it is worth sharing:

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi?word=Vajayjay


It is an advertising slogan generator, and my friend's lovah cleverly filled in the word to sloganize already - VAJAYJAY. I got back some great ones right away:

Gee, Your Vajayjay Smells Terrific

Yes, it does. I work hard on that.

Mama's got the Magic of Vajayjay

Indeed I do. Why bring the mom thing into though. Really.

Wow! I Could Have Had a Vajayjay!

You totally could have dude, so why didn't you? Regretting a missed opportunity for drinking tomato juice is a stretch, but this...now this is a slogan I can believe in! Regrets like these are just a waste and should be avoided.

Obey Your Vajayjay.

Yes, and often.

This occasionally gets me into trouble, so sometimes you gotta ignore the vajayjay. Always obeying would mean no work and therefore no job for me. A girl's gotta pay the mortgage. However, I have noticed that some girls not only don't obey the vajayjay, they ignore it altogether or worse yet, forget about it unless they are married or close to it. Then after they marry they forget about it all over again. What up? Obey your master...

Daddy or Vajayjay?

Sick. Just sick. I cannot recall what real product this slogan this is tied to. I put this in here b/c sometimes the slogan generator just misfires in a way that is bizarre and makes you cringe.

Vajayjay. It's What's For Dinner.

Always on the menu at my house. Chef's favorite.

Absolut Vajayjay.

Absolut absolutely correlates to that part of my body getting attention.

The Vajayjay that Smiles Back.

Um, wow.

Really?

Is that possible? Is there a class I can take for this? I am just not that talented...

The Loudest Noise Comes From The Electric Vajayjay.

I bet.

I'll end on that one. If you go to the site, you can get served up as many as 500 different slogans for whatever word you chose. Great for real, true laughs.

Monday, April 03, 2006

College girls with eating disorders and millionaires on life support

So in talking with my ex, he explained that he doesn't want to be hurt anymore, and that I have mistreated him for months. (Going back to January.)

I am not supposed to hold anything he says to me in anger against him, but he can continuously dredge up shit I did three months ago.

This seems completely fair.

And, the kicker:

He explained that he was completely justified in getting mad.

Hmmm. I am thinking...no. Maybe I am wrong here, but um yeah I am sticking with no. No it is.

It wasn't justified.

Was I a bitch? Yes.
Was I wrong in being mean and throwing out his t-shirt? Yes.
Could he have yelled at me in private? Yes.
Have I been unfair to him in the past few months? Yes.

But he didn't do it in private. Doing what he did, and essentially abandoning me on the trip, was just plain bad. No one, including loser cheater uneducated psycho violent drunk ex fiancee made me feel as bad as I did on Saturday. And this guy is a mild mannered businessman by day. It's all very very surprising.

I wish I hadn't fallen in love with him. I certainly wish he didn't know so much about me. I wish I didn't know so much about him.

I wish he had never ever told me about how he used to be mean to past girlfriends b/c they weren't the hottest girl in the bar. I've learned to look for that look in his eyes when we are out, that look that spots a young fresh hottie with a killer bod who clearly lacks the baggage I drag along, that look that says,"What does that guy have that I don't?"

He claims its just social color commentary, that he likes to watch people and wonder, and I love doing that as well. However, I don't get that look he does- he gives off this anxious aura when he spots a hot girl with a dorky guy - and it very much gives the impression that he's angry at lost chances or lost years being a dork or whatever. That look was responsible for a few of the fights we had on the cruise, and many other times, and he denies that he does it, but he doesn't realize the looks on his face or his body language. I think that he thinks he looks happier and non-chalant when he's out watching people, but honestly, he just looks mad sometimes. And it makes me sad, and makes me wish I was prettier or younger or thinner (clearly thinner - as his parting comment yesterday bore some truth) or something that would just keep him happy. I don't mind the looking - hell I look all the time at cuter guys - its the wishing and the anger on his face I got sick of.

But I am not prettier or younger or thinner (working on that now!), so he'll be off in search of college girls with eating disorders and I'll look for a millionaire on life support.

You take chances with any guy you go out with - any guy has the potential to be a cad. Why not just go for the guys with money? Poor guys are cads too. Middle class guys are cads. So are rich guys. Most men, by nature, are jerks. I might as well find out if a guy is or isn't a jerk while being wined and dined on his dime, and driven around in a nice car.

See, I can change. I learned something new. I am becoming opportunistic - as the great poet Young MC put forth.

On to other things. Perfect timing. Karma is a good thing.

Who sent me an IM this afternoon?

Yup, you guessed it. Ticket. The hot sales guy. The send me in a limo to waffle house guy. Funny how life works. Had he bothered me last week, I would have reminded him of the fact that I have a boyfriend. (Yes I have to be that obvious.) I might have just ignored the message. But I don't have that same situation anymore. I didn't remind him, and we just chatted. We'll see what happens here. He just bought a house very near mine in the past month...and he has a very nice car.

There have to be other guys out there like Ivy but without the public humilation gene.