We're in that restaurant - that Alain Ducasse restaurant - at the top of Mandalay Bay. We meet some boys. Men actually. Europeans, tall, slick and somewhat feminine, just the way I like my men. They are chatting us up, with indistinct accents, and we naturally ask them where they are from. I figure they are Dutch, because the Dutch have nebulous accents. They say:
The Hague.
My sister almost spits out her drink. She begins furiously whispering, "The Hague. What the hell is the Hague?! I'm from The Florida! Are they making this up?"
So I look at her, and under my breath, through the side of my mouth, with my eyebrow raised in that "Hey little sis pay attention right now" sort of way, I hiss: "World court, just go with it."
Later, when we have a moment, I give her a brief and what I thought (in my drunken state) was accurate portrayal of The Hague. I said, "It's where the World Court is, one of those ridiculous little countries like Luxembourg that exists in Europe. Its near France and Belgium."
She was thoroughly impressed, and we left it at that.
She brought up this story last week, still thoroughly impressed and also very giggly about the whole thing, saying, "I was so uncool...I thought they were lying...I was ready to call them out on this Hague thing and you were like, shush shush not cool, not cool...icksnay on the Ague-Hay"
She then said, "That part of Europe just befuddles me. The Dutch? The Hague? Belgium? I can't tell the difference."
My response was, "Belgium is the country that is like France but really the Frank Stallone version of France and has great beer..."
So I got to thinking, just today, you know, I don't think I was right about The Hague. And I personally didn't think I could effectively explain where The Hague is in relation to Holland.
So I wiki'ed it, and sent her this missive. I think I'll include it to school you guys, although maybe I was the only one confused.
Dear Sis:
So...I was curious about the difference between Holland, The Netherlands, The Hague, and Belgium after our discussion last week. I discovered that:
The Hague is NOT a country, but a part of the Netherlands.
It is the seat of government but alas not the capital. It is home to Royal Dutch Shell and the World Court. People like to say they are from the Hague b/c it is such a seat of international diplomatic power, heavily associated with the UN and the World Court, and is considered a very special, almost separate, part of the Netherlands. The Dutch Queen resides in The Hague. It is never referred to as Hague, always "The Hague." You sound so much more elitist saying you come from The Hague. Go ahead, say it. You'll see what I mean.
Holland is not a country.
Holland used to be considered a country but is now a northern region in the Netherlands. The Netherlands overall border Belgium and Germany and are known for its rampant liberalism, rave parties, tulips, prostitution and fabulous, readily-available weed and hash. It's heaven. But I digress. The Dutch is also a term that can be used to describe people from the Netherlands, and they speak Dutch (also known as Flemish.)
This is why it is all so confusing: you can refer to the Dutch, the Flemish, Holland and the Netherlands and even The Hague and you are referring to mostly the same thing. Ahh the Dutch. Nigel Powers was right when he said to Goldmember:
There's only two things I hate in this world, people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
Belgium further fucks with your head in a related way.
Belgium-a separate country where half of 'em speak Dutch.
It is a separate country, on the other side of France known for its beer (500 breweries) and chocolate (Godiva) and horrible battles in WWII. People here speak Flemish (Dutch) and French depending upon geographic location. Are you taking notes?
Luxembourg - tiny and snobby like The Hague but actually a country!
Luxembourg is another problem, located between the Netherlands, Belgium and France. People here speak German, French and Luxembourgish -all three required for graduation from secondary school. I can't find anything interesting about this country except that it is small and very catholic and if you are from here, you sound just as snobby as when you say, "I am from The Hague." Go ahead, say it. You'll again see what I mean.
All three countries form the Benelux region (Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg.)
Liechtenstein - not nearly as cool but just as small as that other L country.
To further confuse, there is another small , very catholic country, Liechtenstein, that borders Switzerland and Austria. Here they speak German too and have one of the world's highest standards of living. The only interesting thing about the country is they are a tax haven, but saying you are from Liechtenstein doesn't sound quite on par with saying you hail from Luxembourg.
Don't you feel smarter now? I do.
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