Bi weekly ruse of the week from the Fuckwit

Several ruses of the week have occurred since that last one with the coupon...and that coupon, to top things off, was EXPIRED by 8 months. Lame. Lame. Where to begin as I am doing this all in review...



The last ruse was the expired coupon. There were two separate ruses about giving him and some unnamed friend (likely some 28 year old he's fucking) help with technical recruiters. All of the above ruses went unanswered.

So after that, nothing for a week. There's a pattern emerging, one that exists such that we should rename this to biweekly ruse of the week.

The next week, the week before the wedding he and I originally were going to go to on Sept. 14th, I got a phone call from him. It said:

You haven't been responding to my emails. I believe you have blocked me from all of them. Can you please tell me where I can contact you should I need to?

Very business-like. I should note, dear readers, the arrogance in which he conducts himself. He automatically assumes that I didn't get the emails, because if I had, surely I would have responded. Fuckwit. He's clever enough to have sent these emails from email addresses I didn't necessarily block. I blocked his yahoo address on yahoo, but had no idea (at that time) how to block it from my work account. I saw those posts. I just answered with crickets.

Fast forward to Wednesday that week. I had been paralyzed a bit about what to do with that air ticket he bought me. Some of us were planning on going to NY, but no one would commit, and I wasn't sure I could get coverage for mini-me. Let the following be a lesson that supports that whole Goethe quote (http://thinkexist.com/quotation/whatever_you_do-or_dream_you_can-begin_it/13527.html) in that if you just fucking jump out of the plane, your parachute will indeed be there.

I had less than 48 hours til the ticket was no good. I needed to change it to something, just to save the $300 credit with AirTran. So I called them up, and booked the ticket for NYC on the first weekend in Oct.

I had no idea whether NYC boy would be available. I had no idea whether Fun Girl could go. I didn't have a hotel nor a plan. And I didn't yet have a baby sitter or a pet sitter.

Fuck it. I booked it.

The ticket agent said, "We've just sent you your itinerary."

Uh oh. That's not my email address. I gave them mine, and they sent it on to that one as well.

600 seconds elapse. That's how long for it took to reach my inbox. And for my phone to ring. Yes, it was he who should not be named. I let it ring to VM. Here's the gist of it:

Um hey I um just got something I think you need. I really need to um know where to send it. (sounds exasperated by this point) You aren't calling me back. You aren't emailing me. I don't enjoy these calls any more than you.

Yes, yes you do. You social moron. You do enjoy this. I didn't call him back.

Fast forward to last week. Monday. I get an email from him. Its the itinerary. The message says, I think you need this. Don't know where to send.

Then, another email with the itinerary, from a different email address of his, sent to every known address I have ever had. It says, please confirm that at least one of these is unblocked.

So I respond, definitely NOT posthaste, "Confirm."

Nothing. For 48 hours. Then the stupidity begins with another email:

"Do you still use the BJs membership?"

I am honestly tired of writing about this, and there's more to go. So I'll return in a little while with my response.

Ruse of the week - again - and this one is the lamest of all

Only little things have happened in the past week, and I am slammed at work and exhausted (mini-me got a stomach virus that kept us very busy for 24 hours) so I'll be lazy writer today and just list this shit out:

• Nothing on Punk Boy...no emails, haven't run into him in two weeks. He's changed his song on MySpace to "Beast of Burden" and there could totally be a message there, b/c that is his style, but I'm not assuming its for me.
• Heard nothing from D the guy who took me to Def Leppard until Thursday of last week (he was supposed to return from Cabo on Tuesday...) and had almost written him off. Then he started chatting with me online and explained that he got stuck down there, what with an earthquake and that Category 5 hurricane that hit Mexico/Central America and all...so we chatted briefly and then I said I had to run
• He pinged me the next day around 4:15 to chat for a bit, and it was fun and flirty (you should come on this trip to Cabo next year!) but again I exited the chat first and said I had to run...
• Went to a party for RS2/Hotness - now home from India- on Friday night. Went with apprehension...I love RS and RS2 but I really want to move on from anything associated with that company, mostly b/c he who should not be named still works there and I'm purging everything about him out of my life for good. I survived the party and had fun, but it did, because of some stories I learned about him, give me a sick feeling in my stomach that I really don't need in my life
• Went out with T for drinks afterwards at JP! No sign of Punk Boy but his whole entourage was there and it was a fete for that girl he used to date for two years (ahhh so that's why he didn't come out)
• Went to the Lakehouse for rest of weekend with J and our daughters. Went wakeboarding and loved it.
• Got another IM from D, concert boy, first thing Monday morning. Wanted to chat for awhile...asked me to dinner sometime this weekend. We chatted back and forth for 15 minutes, told him my mini-me was sick, home from school and I really needed to run...
• Got a call from Fuckwit, he who should not be named, around 1. I didn't answer. (Yeay. I'm proud of myself for all this self control I have shown. Many thanks to all my friends for encouraging this.) He left a message. It sounded awkward as ass and I'll re-create it here (although it was so laughable, I did not delete should any of you want to listen...):

"Um hi its (insert Fuckwits name here). I um found this coupon, this $10 off coupon for Deramax that I think I should send to you. Um, I have sent you some emails, but I think you have blocked me from your addresses, um, including your (insert company name here) account because ahhh you um haven't responded. Well um, I guess um that's it."

A fucking coupon? That's the ruse?! A fucking coupon for medicine for my dog that she no longer even takes! He's so fucking cheap that he thought that thing would be of value to me. So the only reason I wouldn't respond is because I've blocked him? (I did that after I received those stupid emails...) I couldn't possibly be not responding because he's the biggest jerk this state has ever known? He really doesn't get that he's not someone I want to see speak with, or help in any way possible. He doesn't deserve that, after all he's done. But he also doesn't see that - he thinks we just "ended badly." Again, I wouldn't help that fuckwit or any of his cronies cross the street, let alone help them get a job.

So nothing more. Around 8;45, my business line, which has no caller ID on it, rang and someone hung up when I answered. Puzzling. But I think I know who that was.

Got a nice text, first one ever, on my phone from D the concert boy: "How's your daughter doing tonite? Feeling better?"

He's doing well, that one. He's trying.

The list of ridiculous things from he who should not be named

I actually have a guide to being dumped. Before you think that sounds pathetic, realize that it has sped up the process of me getting over Hags the Fag -old Hottie's new name- at what I would call a ridiculous pace. (That and my friends all acting as my own personal Dr. Fritz Fassbender...http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059903/)

But I digress.

So I have followed the instructions in the book. First step is to cut off contact and most importantly, never ever contact him. Done and done. I've taken him out of my phone. I've blocked him from IM at work (we work at sister companies who still share an IM system but hopefully not for long) and from Yahoo! mail (bless you Yahoo! for easy functionality in this area.)

He still calls for stupid reasons, but he's the one doing it. I answer every tenth call or so. I think he's lame, and the more he calls for stupid reasons, the more unattractive and lame he gets.

So no calling. No getting drunk and calling. No texting. No getting drunk and texting. No stalking him on MySpace or Facebook or Friendster. All of my friends now get a ridiculous number of calls from me b/c instead of picking up the phone to call him, I call or text them.

I avoid places in Raleigh where he might be. No Glenwood South. It's cheesy as hell anyway and that's his stomping ground. He like 'em young and stupid. (One of the girls he dated has "Lifetime Movies" on her set of likes on MySpace. Who likes those? Who admits to that? Snooze. Have at it boy...they are all yours!) Fun girl and I have had some adventures in the past two weeks that involved places he would never go, mostly b/c he's just not cool enough to know about or get in.

And this has been good for me. The time away, with little to no contact, has put some things in perspective and made some random comments he's made come back to me, and I can now view him in a new, more realistic light. Mainly, I originally thought he was a prize but really, he's just one big cheeseball with good manners on the outside and a cruel, selfish streak on the inside. I guess I was slumming for the last 18 months.

Here's some stuff randomly listed, mostly for my own purpose (this blog is therapy too) and because the book advocates it actually WRITING IT DOWN so that it sinks in. So here goes:

• "Oh, you like Jennifer Hudson b/c no matter how big you get, she will always be bigger than you..." (Huh? Honestly...who says shit like this?)
• "I hope you don't think my friends look down on you..." (Said randomly on the way to a BBQ...I would hope his friends' wouldn't considering that I've accomplished more, earn more, and actually own my own home - unlike him)
• "My mother likes you more than she likes me, mostly b/c you are a girl." (What?? Paging Dr. Freud...)
• Taking me ring shopping, twice (once at North Hills and once at Crabtree) , then pulling back saying we weren't ready, that we needed more time, that I was doubting his commitment. (Yeah I doubted it for sure at that point - did he think doing this was going to make me feel better?)
• "Bartenders only like you b/c you have breasts..."(But the ridiculous over-tipping, respect and friendly conversation put forth has no influence whatsoever???)
• Telling me that I was wrong to put limits on the relationship by saying this summer was going to be do or die for me, that I wasn't going to waste my time with a man who was clearly not ready to commit. (So somehow I was wrong for saying that, but the limit he put on it by putting the engagement on hold was okay? Huh? Goose-gander!)
• "Don't worry about your weight. I have a sickness for da thickness."
• "Pillsbury Dough Girl" (Andohbytheway, I am a size 2...you jackass!)
• He couldn't commit to anything in his life and here's the list of examples with his "opinions" in parentheses:

1. Lasik surgery (Why do that now when my eyes will change in my late 40's? What do those doctor's know about the long term effects?)
2. Car (The Infiniti G series doesn't have all the attributes I want, and until it does I am going to drive my POS, anti-gold digger machine ahem Ford Contour with the loud fan and the crappy stereo)
3. House (Why buy a house when Raleigh is a really uncool place to live, full of boring, small minded people...I want to move to a city where I pay more for housing, and drive through more traffic, all so I can say I live in a big city and be cool. Also I like ignoring the advice that a home purchase has great tax advantages - what do finance/accountants/most of college-educated America know over me anyhow?)
4. Phone (Just not sure what I want and I am super happy keeping this Atlanta number so my dorky exes and my ugly, Brett Farve-loving fuck buddy can keep in touch with me)
5. Children (All I talk about is wanting to be a father but when faced with the decision, I just can't do it)
6. Job (Hate my current job at crappy Chinese computer company and drive people crazy with my moodiness and haugtiness but I am too much of a fraidy-cat to leave)

So, folks, he's a pussy. And here's the list of things that my friends and acquaintances, most who know him on his own, say about him:

• Pussy
• Ass wipe
• THAT guy...he's THAT guy. Who knew he lived in Raleigh???
• Dickwit
• Idiot
• Social Moron (my personal favorite, said by several)
• Emotionally vacant
• Sociopathic
• Bi-polar (our cleaning woman said this one...love it)
• Cruel
• Cad
• Hags the Fag (because of his sexist viewpoint and blatant hero-worshipping of his male friends)

Ahhh I feel better already, don't you, dear readers? Catharsis. Evacuation of poison. It's all good.