Sunday, from ex mother in laws to Nickelback, the hits keep comin'

Sunday morning.

I had to go pick up mini me and he grandmother (my ex mother in law) at 10 am. This was not the original plan. This was not supposed to happen til around 4. But plans change, kids need to go back to DC, and I am left entertaining and hosting my ex mother in law for a full 24 hours.

I wasn't particularly close to this woman when I was married to her son, and now? Well, she is mini-me's grandmother, and they get to spend another day together, and all I need to do is let her stay here and bring her to the airport on Monday morning. It was okay, just not what I had wanted my Sunday to be.

Sunday night, however, was full of surprises. I took mini-me, begrudgingly, to Nickelback with Harley Girl and her own mini-her. It was my mini-me's first concert, and it was a doozy. I saw:

• A lot of people. None of whom I knew. Did not run into a single person I knew. Odd for me, but maybe not, considering the crowd.
• The crowd. The crowd. There was a not so diverse crowd. Most people were aged 18-25, and particularly cheesy. Pretty white. The 24 year old version of me would never have been at this concert, for sure.
• A lot of rednecks. Lots of people from Fayetteville and Garner, knowhutimean?
• A weird guy with yacht hair and khakis. Clearly he had lost his way and thought he was coming to see DMB.
• A girl wearing a shirt that said "Little Miss Trouble." I clearly got the trouble part. However, there was nothing little about her and clearly she had not missed any meals in the last 20 years.
• Lots of tits. Lots of girls flashing the camera, just before and during Nickelback's set. Wow. I told the girls, "Don't be that girl when you are older..." They won't listen I bet, but I least I did my job and warned them not to.
• Girls, about 15, smoking in the bathroom. It bothered me a bit. Someone had to give them those cigarettes....

So now comes the funny part. I took mini me to this, but really don't like the songs too much with the exception for "I know who you are" (I like your pants around your feet, I like the dirt that's on your knees...) The concert started, and I looked over, and there's my mini-me, wearing her black t-shirt, hands in the air, screaming, looking like she has been going to concerts her whole life. Ahhh this is good. I'm gonna remember this. She's never gonna forget it.

I loved the concert.

I did.

Really.

They were good. They sounded good. They played well. There was pyrotechnics, fire, sing along parts, lots of good conversation with the crowd ( and more than "we love you Raleigh") and the songs were just FUN. They covered Elton John's Saturday Night. They did my two favorite songs at the end. The live version of Someday gave me chills up my neck, with the crowd singing along. I was right there with them. I jumped in and the water was just fine. I sang every word to that song Someday, and it was a weird sort of therapy for me, thinking back on both situations with D the fiancee and the Social Moron while singing the words. It was a song that was popular when the fiancee and I broke up, but it played out more to the situation with he who should not be named. I think, in the end, that singing some of these song lines just ended up being a sort of meditation to the universe for me, the music was loud, it was dark, it was crowded, I was dancing. Everyone around was singing as loud as they could. Everything just was really, really good at those moments. I didn't want to be anywhere else. The best moments:

• How the hell did we wind up like this?
• You're the only one who knows that...
• If everyone loved, and nobody lied...
• Show me what its like to be the last one standing...
• I hate that places that we go, I hate the people that you know...

I would say there were 6 songs - all of them the big radio hits - that were really, really amazing to hear. Just to sing along with mini-me and mini-harley, just to sing out in general.

Photograph was not one of them. I still fucking hate that song.

The lead singer really knows how to drop an f-bomb. Wow did the girls get an earful. I know my coolness meter has now dropped to an all time low, but I clearly don't give a fuck. I loved that show. Live music gets me. They were LOUD. I think I'm a fan now. How could I not be?

Mini-me's take on the way home?

"God mom, that was just awesome."

Saturday Night's All Right All Right All Right Woooo

Who was it?

It was Punk Boy, who had never been to Federal before. Sitting there, saying hi to us and laughing. I grab his hand, squeeze it, and say - weird. He laughs. We keep moving on, and walk into the bar.

Once inside and behind the door, all three of us face each other, and no one says a thing for about 5 seconds.

Then N says, Wow. You had just finished that sentence when he said hi to us.

T says, yeah. I know. The universe is fucking with us. Fucking with you (turning to me) specifically.

Then they both look at me and say, You need a drink, and fast.

So we get a drink. The only table available is that table in the front, the one in front of the GIANT window to the patio, that same table where I got set up on a date with Social Moron almost two years ago. We sit there, but I put my back to the window, as he is sitting just outside.

N says, who the hell is he with? It's an older woman, a blond, a guy, somebody else.

I say, Oh! That's his mom, his sister, her boyfriend. He said they were coming. You know, he's never been to Federal...this isn't his place or anything. We told him last Saturday night now much we love this place...

N, gotta love his humour, says: Wow. And here you come, walking up that sidewalk like you do, all tight jeans, high heels and Miller High Life t-shirt that just screams "classy" with a guy on each side of you. And after you walk by, he gets to tell his mom, that that girl, that girl in the miller high life t-shirt who is out with two men, that's the girl I went on a few dates with. Ha!

I laughed my ass off at that. The Punk Boy entourage left within 30 minutes. We however, stayed and drank and ate - they were playing a weird but beautiful mix of Peter Murphy, The Smiths, The Sundays, New Order.

Moved on to Green Room. Played some pool, and owned the jukebox for an hour. Pulp Fiction, Neil Diamond.

We dropped T off, then headed to Alibi for a drink. It was like we couldn't stand to be outside of Raleigh, for fear of missing something. Silly, but we both felt it. Went to JP! for last call, weird crowd there, few that we knew.

The night ended when the ugly lights came on and it was past last call for alcohol, and we went our separate ways to catch up on sleep.

S-a-tur-day night. From T's mouth to God's ears in a nanosecond

Saturday during the day was bizzzzeeee.

Hung out with my friend P as she cleaned my house. I love that woman. So fun.

Then drove mini-me's friend, the one who will never be alone as she has "the list", up to Kerr Lake for the party. I stayed at the party for four hours, hanging out with my ex, his mother, his wife, a few old friends, and a new friend who is now engaged to one of those old friends. Weird mix of people, weird to be hanging out at my ex's house and spending a few hours talking with his wife, but I made the best of it and mini-me SO LOVED me being there, having both her parents in one place for awhile. You could tell she was digging it, and that made me dig it too.

I headed back down to Raleigh around 5:30, and got a ton of messages when I got service back just north of Oxford. Fun girl. N and T, making plans for that night. Double Down called and said he needed to talk. (It turned out that he wanted to ask Fun Girl out. I told him to give it time. In reality, she's never gonna go out with him. He's a musician, and the new rule is: You can have a harmonica, nothing more. Anything else, and we're outta there.)

So I go home quickly take a bath and get myself decent. Put on my oh so slutty Miller High Life the champagne of beers tight shirt and jeans and high heels and head to T's house for cocktail hour. We drink there for awhile, realize that some people have dropped out and its just the three of us for the night, and decide to head to Durham, as we have worn out Raleigh. Worn it out.

We drive. Park off Main, and start walking to Federal. T, at that point on the sidewalk, says:

We should be pretty safe here from drama for all us. Hopefully Slutty won't be here, but at least the two of you are pretty safe from running into anyone here.

Famous last words...just as those words left his mouth, who do we see sitting right there, saying hi to us, from the Federal patio?

Thank god it was Friday

The weekend was non stop, full of highs and lows, and I had no time, no time to write. I'll start with Friday.

Friday night began with texts. My friend J sent me a text while I was still working that said:

Oooh the good looking lifeguard is here at the pool. I'm taking the afternoon off...

Oh I wish I could. I was in work hell at that moment.

Then, I took a quick break when my ex hubby and his mom came by to pick up mini-me. Nothing notable there, but I would rather have been at the pool. While they were here, I got two texts from Fun Girl:

Rally the troops!

Dooood. Is it 8:00 yet?

I headed downtown at 7:30 in one of my best little black dresses. Met J, J, Fun Girl for apps at Nana's. N and T showed up an hour later, as did some of Fun Girl's extended family. Lots of drinks. Gossip. Discussed whack a mole social moron a bit, lots of laughs there. Then the discussion of where to move on to...

Let's do Ess...nope can't do that, so and so might be there. Let's do Mosquito...nope, the ex is definitely there tonite. Glenwood South area? Nope, social moron potential. And too cheesy anyway. That one is definitely out. Slim's outside? Nope, former fella of dreams might be there. Gotta avoid that one for a few weeks. Okay, let's do Alibi. Nope, too emo on Friday nights. Okay...White Collar? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Going once...going twice.

No one had a reason for not going there. So we went.(This is a small town. You can see we have limited choices when you try to avoid exes.)

So we went. And it was, well...it just was. Not great. Nothing happening. We were bored. I think maybe we needed some drama.

We proceeded to JP!, as everyone thought that was the least prickly of situations to be in, and I had an entourage anyways. "C'mon. You're gonna have to go there at some point. Get the first yucky night out of the way."

I asked N to be my wing man all night - take one for the team as Fun Girl was yours last week there- and he said, I won't leave your side unless you want me to.

So we walk in. And yeah, its just like it always is. Yeah, there is Punk Boy with Double Down on that side of the bar. I'm getting some looks from that direction. L comes running up to talk to me...told her I was going to avoid that side of the bar for awhile, need some space. She was like, yeah that's a weird situation, eh? So we order drinks and proceed to go into the room o'pool and plop down on the benches.

And it was fun. Shots being bought. Hanging out with T. Fun Girl is buzzing all over the place in there. Good times. 15 minutes pass. Then Double Down comes over. Beeline straight for me.

You need to come hang out on the other side. Come over with us.

I responded:

Nooo. I'm giving that some space. I'm not mad, just hurt a bit. I don't need to be hanging around Punk Boy when I've been drinking like this.

He was like, why do you feel weird. You ended it, didn't you?

Uh, no. Dude. He didn't want to have sex with me. I surely did with him.

Blah blah blah. He left. The rest of us proceeded to continue playing pool, drinking, flirting. You get the picture. I'm doing fine. I'm having a ball. We're all crowded around each other on that bench near the windows. Then Fall Girl (remember her) brings in Punk Boy - dragging him in.

Everyone sitting around me FLIES off of that bench and runs for the corner, the other pool table, the bathroom. There I am on the bench, alone, with all my friends looking on and Punk Boy sits down. He's clearly intoxicated.

I congratulated him on the letter to the editor to start if off on a good note. And then I was like, you really didn't have to come over here, sorry she dragged you over. He said, no, its no big deal, its a bar we both come to. I said, yeah, look I'm not mad, just giving myself a bit of space. I really liked you, last Saturday night was a bit confusing, just don't want to confuse things any further for myself. But thanks for coming over...blah blah small talk and he leaves.

Yeah, then everyone flies back to the bench, like magnets. And they all look at me and say:

God, that was awkward.

I say nah. I'm okay. Got it out of the way! I've got you guys here.

After some time, the group gets me on the dance floor, which I wasn't ready for but I did anyway. Thank god that N and I can still dance with each other and have fun, even as friends, because it was good to have that with Punk Boy right behind me on the dance floor. Fun Girl said he was standing right behind me, and he was watching. And he was getting himself beers, and he was watching. But honestly, I was in a mode where I just had to concentrate on dancing to operate somewhat with the appearance of sobriety. I couldn't be looking around.

We had a late night at N's house. And I slept, on the floor, with N, in my party dress, like brother and sister btw. We both had a good laugh when we woke up in the morning like that - jesus, how old are we he said.

Another walk of shame, with nothing to be shameful of except how it all appeared, Saturday morning.

Well done, Punk Boy

Punk boy got published today in the N&O - a letter to the editor on the subject of faith.

I sent him a congratulatory email. Fun Girl thought that was the right thing to do.

Guess this gives away who he is...I removed the link though.

My hooha was sitting on that?!

Say it ain't so, Jenna!

Jenna J is not only giving up porn, she had her implants removed! The world is a sadder place today...

Big shout out to Homey out there in Denver/San Diego. I loved talking to you last night. (Thanks for asking about Punk Boy. All that's on hiatus, possibly permanently but never say never.) But girl, you gotta ditch that Michael Buble quoting, ex-wife missing dick. Seriously. There are other men out there who are great in bed. Trust me. It just takes one good encounter to squash the dickwit inside of you. I don't even think of he who should not be named in that way anymore, even though he was a fucking volcano in bed.

I have to say, you gave some amazing quotes last night. I am seriously considering making my next profession bed and breakfast proprietor - if only for this:

"I'm gonna go run this b&b. It's got 10 rooms, and with that, the chances of me getting laid once a week in that place are very, very good."

I love that philosophy. Yeah, hotel management, here I come! We should open one together with 20 rooms...increase the odds for both of us.

After we got off the phone with you, we discussed the fact that Japan is the perfect place for assholes. He who should not be named is there right now. (Rock Star's man Vegas said that would be the reason why there was no ruse of the week. He's in Asia, and he's all out of ruses.) They probably wouldn't let your guy in if he tried to travel to Japan right now:

"No, so sorry. We have our quota of assholes at the moment. We have a big one here in Yamato. No more lying bastards toting red bull and wearing striped shirts...We really don't care if you have a big dick."

And thanks to Rock Star and entourage for coming over for Pimms and wearing striped shirts. It was loud! We fucking rocked! You left your red bull! Text Me! This town sucks! I'm getting a gyro! Look at my chest hair!

And, finally, Fun Girl. We missed you last night. Go A-team!

The Def Leppard guy, D, left this instant message on my screen last night regarding the concert on Monday night:

Ticketmaster called.

Said I couldn't take that wild chick I brought last time...

(blushing smiley face icon here)

Your Latest Trick

I have a 9th and 10th grade bf that I think about from time to time...

And, as of late, as in all periods of, ahem, reflection in my life, I have been thinking of him more often. Especially since the short conversation, two weeks ago, with Attorney Girl, who pointed out that said BF's name is an almost exact replica of Social Moron's name - same first, and almost same sounding last - right down to number of syllables and ending. And she pointed out that they both look similiar. And they are both very very preppy and almost WASPy. (New Caanan in the house!) The old BF in that, I played hockey and attended boarding school, staight outta Love Story way. And Social Moron with the one accomplishment in his life -Ivy League college.

But I digress. For a reason.

After this thinking, this putting it out there to the universe, I got an email the other day on Linked In. You can imagine my suprise when my inbox said (insert his real name here) wants to connect on Linked In. I clicked on the email. It was not the canned request I so often get. He had customized it:

Hi (insert my name here)!
Look at us now, going from teenage love notes to connecting on Linked In. How far we have come! Hope you are well. I think of you often.

So I accepted the invite to connect. And I wrote him back.

Hi (insert the usual)!
Indeed! I am well, still here in NC. Hope you are well too! Let me know if you are ever in town and we can grab coffee or a drink and catch up after all this time. I think of you often as well....

And I sent it.

And I waited. I am PMSing, so the wait became ridiculous. Nothing that day. Nothing yesterday. I checked email so many times. I was OCD about it. I was jonesing about it last night. Listening to old songs - the title of this post is big one from that time -and just obsessing.

And then, I go to check my email today. And as the inbox is opening up, I'm muttering to myself: damnit. write me. this is ridiculous. you send me this note. you get me all hot. then nothing? what is this. damn you.

And there was the note. I'll cut and paste it as I have it framed on my desk already. Just kidding. Really.

Hey (you guys know who I am),
I plan to be in the RDU area after labor day weekend. Are you in-town? I'd like to plan my trip to ensure that we'll be able to see one-another so let me know what yoiur schedule is.

I hope all is well with you and look forward to seeing you.

Love,
(his real name)

Well. My little present for today. More inspiration to look my best. Two weeks to go.

PS- Attorney girl predicts he hasn't aged well. We'll do a poll next week to see how everyone here feels it will go.

This is why I like the Nats

The O's lost last night...to the Texas Rangers...by a whopping 27 runs. 27!

30-3.

That is a football score. It's hard to be a Baltimore fan on a day like today.

This is why, although I grew up an O's fan in the 80's (Cal, Eddie Murray and such) I have abandoned them for the Nats. There is baseball in DC again, finally, and they have such a great name.

We're two tiny people in this video for 2-3 seconds

You Tube video shot by the foreigner/styx crew on last night's rain out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OO3voY4--F4

I can see us, both wearing black, at second 12/13/14 in the front row. You won't be able to see us though. This is pretty grainy. To the left of the red blob. You can just feel my disappointment at not seeing Joe Elliot...


Andohbytheway, it has been rescheduled. And yes, he called to ask me again. And yes, that Joe Elliot fantasy thing I got going is alive and well.

Pimm's and striped shirts/blouses tomorrow at 6:30

My house.

Pimm's. Cigarettes. Gossip. Back patio at mi casa. By then I should have tons of tomatoes to serve as well.

I am shocked, shocked further by my potty mouth

He writes:

I had a great time. I got an email stating there is likely to be a reschedule.

Did I set a precedent in getting you wet so early in the evening?

So I responded:

Indeed. You have set a precedent. Well played, insert real name here, well played. The game's afoot.

Who knew a rainstorm and subsequent wet t-shirt and ass (it was a black t-shirt, thankyouverymuch potty minds) would be so much fun.

26 views today of my MySpace profile by noon. Who are these people that are looking at it? It's set to private. It's not strangers or randoms....

On another funny note.

I have a neighbor who brought me tomatoes. Now, I love me some tomatoes. Sometimes mini me and I will make an entire meal out of tomatoes, cutting up 3-4 and just eating the slices for dinner with a bit of salt, sugar and pepper on them. So I really liked getting these tomatoes.

He came over and gave them to me and said, "We've never met. Just wanted to say hi and wonder if you would like some fresh vegetables from my garden."

(I was on the cell phone at the time, in my garage, talking to Attorney Girl. I said a quick thanks so much.)

So the next morning - yesterday - I am walking back from the bus stop. Unshowered. Undeodorized. Hair unkempt. You get the pic. And I see him outside - and say, "Hey! We enjoyed those tomatoes! Thanks again!"

And I continue on to my house.

By the time I reach my driveway, he's pulling up in his car. And he says:

Are you a married woman?

Huh? Really! That's the best you got?! That is your opening line?! I know he's gonna ask me out, and he does. I tell him I'm really busy in the next few weeks. Read that as code for, no I am not going out with you, late forties neighbor guy who I have already forgotten the name of, you with your 1978 San Francisco gay man mustache, no I am not going out with you.

He showed up, today at noon, with more tomatoes. This game apparently is afoot too. He's not on the list.

Shocked, shocked at the things I write

I left the date from last night a quick thank you on his MySpace account:

Thanks for all the fun last night. I've never been so wet so early into a second date....

HAHAHAHAHA. I wonder if he liked it?

Just got a reply. Let's see what it says....

Love Bites and so do thunderstorms

http://www.defleppard.com/news/news_item.asp?item=221

I am too lazy to share the details, but the show was cancelled. Our seats were soaking wet too. The roof was partially blown off and the stage, the equipment, and the first five rows were under water. I don't know what Joe Elliot was doing last night, but it wasn't me.

That being said, those seats we had COULD NOT have been better located. Front row, center. And they were over, well over, $300 a piece. That with the VIP pass might make this the most expensive second date I have ever been on.

If the show is rescheduled, he's promised a re-do on our date as well.

We made the best of it. People watched. Drank a big, big beer. Talked a lot while stuck in traffic. (Ohh the car is indeed so much better than that Ford Contour I was so familiar with...) Went to the Saucer for a drinky drink. He showed me is plate on the ceiling - #258 I think, and I didn't have the heart to tell him I had serious history/friendship with #2. Moved on to The Borough. Punk Boy was already running through my head at that point, so it didn't help seeing his old roommate/guy who talks low and works at Rockford sitting at the bar.

There was a kiss goodnight. A little too eager. He can be taught though. There's potential here, he's on the list, in spite of his ridiculous pre-occupation with my boobs. (Only I can be that preoccupied with them...its unhealthy if he is.)

Muchas gracias, Fun Girl, for the time spent with mini-me. You're a doll. And you'll be a great mom some day. Bless your heart, thinking I would be mad b/c you didn't serve vegetables. I'm not a mom that sweats that kind of shit. She gets her veggies when she can, and when she doesn't, she doesn't. It all evens out. Some days have to be about the Hot Pockets and brownies.

PS he's still a dick. Even today. He's a dick. Just keep saying that.

More later, gotta work...

This is what's he up to, when he's not chronically masturbating

Is this night at the Roxbury or is that social moron there in the front seat?

Yes, yes it is social moron, as they are clearly driving a Ford Contour.

This is part of my fantasy of what he's doing now. The other part is said fantasy is that he's torturing some poor 28 year old in the same way he did me, but she's laughing at his bald spot, his avid masturbatory activities, and his pear shaped hips both in front and behind his back.

Oh Karma! She is one sick woman.


Shout out to RS2/Hotness- who ends her international assignment this Friday and heads back home posthaste:

I've got Pimms and cigarettes waiting for you, dear, you've been missed!

And to Fun Girl, should she ever read or post to this again, a shout out of the following items:

• Yes, he's a dick. No getting around it. He's just a dick. Yeah, I said it. Out loud and in writing. There's no going back now.
• Yes, he and Social Moron attended the same asshole school where they excelled in such classes as:

1. Naked Male Insecurity 101
2. Bring Out Your Inner Control Freak
3. Psychological Abuse on Pretty Girls
4. Blame You/Don't Blame Me
5. Becoming the Pussy You Are
6. Passing the Check/Bill
7. Isolate Your Girlfriend Before She Realizes You Are A Loser
8. It's not Herpes, its a Zit! or How to lie about anything!

• Yes, I do think it might be funny to get his rock star, hillbilly ass beat up in front of his guitar chick woman friends in an alley in Chapel Hill. I believe I know an entire posse of women here who read this blog who would be willing to pay to see that shit. They might pay to participate. He's a long drink a water, but I think all 6 of us could take him. After all, he's also a pussy. And we know how much you like to watch...
• Yes, we will deny we ever knew either of them should anyone ask. I'm gonna pretend the last 17 months just did not happen, and if people ask what I've been up to, I'll respond: coma

I'm off tonite with one goal and one goal only: Joe Elliot is gonna make eye contact with me. Or at the very least, cleavage contact.

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels...

Kiki- could that song in the comments section be any more perfect? Seriously. Stop being so pithy and funny.

Talked to Attorney Girl last night about what's been going on. She hasn't been reading the blog, what with being so busy being pregnant and eating all that watermelon, so she had not really been aware of the happenings of late.

She told me a story about a neighbor of her that she "dated" (loose term) when she first moved into her swanky townhouse in FLA. He was cute, rich, drove two nice cars, and the piece de resistance, he was British with the full accent! ("You know how those accents get us...") She felt at the time he was clearly out of her league, but she kept seeing him anyway. How did she get through?

With the help of LOTS of bourbon. Thank you, Makers Mark!

She told me she had to be drunk to be around him. It was the only way it worked. The liquor drowned out the insecurities and the nervousness. Sounds familiar- huh? Eventually, she was just drinking too much bourbon and had to move on for the sake of her liver.

Anyway, she said this is all for the best. She said to disappear for a couple of weeks. Make him wonder. Then, one night, out of the blue, when you are looking fantastic (hint: 5-7lbs lighter) and you are way overdressed, you and the posse of girls need to stop in for just ONE drink. Stop in at midnight. Leave before one - as if you have somewhere else to be. Say hi, be friendly but not obsequious. She thinks a cat and mouse game will ensue, and he might just be an interesting hook up but never anything more, and we'll both like it better that way. And she also said, DOOOOD, you are a Sagittarius just like me, you love the chase, the "I'm on the hunt I'm after you" atmosphere, the looks across the bar, the not knowing, the pursuit, the pull back, the what's he gonna do, the what am I gonna do, the "omigod they are playing that song now and its a sign" nights. In the end, you will love this more.

Or you might meet someone else in the next few weeks and not think of Punk Boy ever again...

Either way - good time, good times. And she is oh so right.

So Fun Girl and I are going into the Lean Cuisine, take some Alli, nothing tastes as good as being thin mode. She's got appearances to keep up, confidence to get back, and a shit for brains asshole to get over and rise above. She's on her way, as some anger finally, finally took hold last night. YAY!

And I'm gonna wear that black dress again- that one from 12 years ago- and look better in it now that I ever did in the 90's. That's my goal. And I am 5-7 pounds away. Not much farther to go.


Ad Girl, meanwhile, is living her perfect life and laughing her ass off at us!

Okay so here's the new song I'm gonna put 3 times on a mix CD

The Way I Are - Timbaland. It's on iTunes. So very catchy, and somewhat apropos. I can't get it out of my head. I changed it to my MySpace song. I'm gonna put in 3 times on the next mix cd I make for all of you! I'll request it from every DJ we run into in the next two weeks. I'm gonna drive y'all nuts with this one.

Timbaland Sings:

I ain't got no money

I ain't got no car to take you on a date

I can't even buy you flowers

But together we could be the perfect soulmates

Talk to me girl

Keri Hilson Sings:

(Oh) Baby, it's alright now, you ain't gotta flaunt for me

If we go and touch you can still touch my love, it's free

We can work without the perks just you and me

thug it out 'til we get it right

You can check out the video here: http://www.timbalandmusic.com/

I'm doing okay- I know Ad Girl and Fun Girl are just as confused as I am. Who saw this coming? No one...

Back to work...

Bewildered and bothered....

So, where to start.

I had my "date" on Saturday night. And by date, it was me, Punk Boy, Ad Girl, Fun Girl, and other guest stars. N and his entourage showed up halfway into dinner.

Strange, strange mix of people.

I was trying to keep it casual. Since the conversation last week, I figured I would let him sort of drive the way the night was going to go.

And it went by way of drinking quite a bit (on his part), lots of PDA (on his part), and both of us seeming to have fun. (I say "seeming" on purpose. In the end, it turned all to confusing shit.) Here's what the fun included:

Dinner at Times. Lots of fun conversation and flirting all over that table as people arrived and stopped by. Giggles at the "Make me look like a high priced whore" comment. Nose spray on Fun Girl from N. Surrender Monkey making Ad Girl surrender her sobriety unexpectedly. Drinks and the jukebox coup at Alibi. Drinks bought for Ad Girl by N at Alibi, accompanied by drunk mutterings- just like old times! Unlce Big Bad coming to Ad Girl's rescue from the surreal night of surprise drinking. Last call stop at JP! Lots of PDA there, driving me crazy with his hands down my back, on my ass, you get the picture. I've been there before and liked it this time too. Drama with Fun Girl and N and N's oh so recent ex showing up. A kiss on the pseudo dancefloor. Nothing but promise...

Later, back at the condo...

Making out. Kissing. Him being really, really drunk. I've been in this situation before too. I asked him straight out - are you avoiding having real sex with me by getting absolutely, totally shitfaced every time we're together.

Damn if the answer wasn't "yes" accompanied by an explanation of how sex is impersonal for him, and that he knows me, and he really likes me, and he's a bit intimdated, so he can't have sex with me. He likes his sex to be impersonal - he doesn't like to really know or perhaps even like the person he's doing it with.

I asked what we should do about this? Should we go back to being just friends? Should I wear a wig and pretend to be someone else?

Damn if the answer wasn't "yes." Not to the wig comment, but to the friends thing.

There was a lot more to that conversation that I won't repost here. I was and am terribly, terribly disappointed. A little bit confused, especially in light of the behaviour in the hours leading up to it. Told my board of advisors about it, and as they were there for much of the evening, they were confused a bit too.

I spent the day with my friend J and her daughter at their pool. Ending up drinking beer all afternoon, then going to one of her friend's house for dinner and wine til almost 9. So much fun!!! Had a quick confirmation discussion via phone with Punk Boy (nothing had changed...he still thought we needed to be friends and that's it) and after that the disappointment really sunk in.

This is his intimacy problem, not mine. Has very little to actually do with me. My plan is to avoid the JP for awhile, (awhile being a few weeks) and as such, avoid Punk Boy, til the awkwardness of this has passed and we can go back to just being buddies who occasionally do shots together.

I do have front row tickets and a date with what seems like a really cool guy for Def Leppard tomorrow night.

He signed the email he sent to me today

xxoo

And I just about melted. Am I dumb as shit or what?

Ticket to ride

Out with the girls last night to Tavern at Second Empire. I don't like that place nearly as much as I used to.

There was five of us. A woman who I used to work with, who I went out to dinner with two days ago, another "mom" friend (she came over for drinks last week), Ad Girl, and a friend of the first woman I mentioned.

The funniest part of the evening came when the "friend"started telling stories about how she knows Ticket. Remember him? Check back to the earliest posts - the one about the limo ride to Waffle House - if you need to be refreshed. He's now married, but apparently as much of a player as ever. Doing all the same things he was doing 18 months ago - constant pinging, asking to go have drinks at 10:30 in the morning (she calls him salt lick b/c he must always be thirsty) and just being persistent.

What was funny was that she didn't seem all that amused by the fact that I told her stories of him doing this same exact shit back in the day. In fact, she seemed to be let down a bit. Oh well.

Got a text from N saying they were at the Times. By the time we were finished eating, he was home. Have no idea what's going on with him. I would imagine he is still in relationship limbo.

Somehow, on purpose or on accident, we got separated from them as we were leaving. Fine with me...

Ad Girl and I went farther downtown and drank a bit on Blount Street. I got my free bourbon from my bartender friend at one place, then we went next door to hang out for awhile. While nothing earth shattering happened, we did have a good albeit low-key time.

I did not run into Punk Boy, but ran into people who know him.

Tonite -High School Musical 2 sleepover for mini-me. The fun never ends.

It's Morton salt time

What a day man!

I got a call today, out of the blue, from my writer friend in NYC. The guy I met down in Disney in the fall. (He's since been promoted to Publication Director, but he still writes, so...)

Anyway, he was out in Vegas for a weekend bachelor party, and was sitting at the bar, waiting for his friends, ordering a bourbon, and said after the first sip, he just had to call.

(Remember when he who should not be named wouldn't call me from that bachelor party he was attending??? Yeah...I know.)

So he calls to discuss coming to NYC. Says he can get the hook up for me and my friends at the Waverly Inn (all you US/People mag readers should know that one) or several other places where he has connections. Says he's willing to call in favors to show us a good time. Us, meaning me and my entourage of friends. Not JUST ME. My friends too. What a sweetheart.

I never even slept with him. We just made out and did an awful lot of talking. Oh some dancing too. But I digress.

He sounded great. Happy. He's got an incredible voice. He's angling to get a piece published in NY Magazine. Nice!

I gave him my advice on making the most of the glittering and seedy underbelly that is Vegas, as I've done that trip one too many times, and we left it that he would come back with a call next week that involved stories of what he had seen, done, and heard.

I think, even though he's out of town, he's just made the list...